Forgiveness isn’t fair

The concept of forgiveness just doesn’t seem fair. It is a hard concept to grasp, but when you really try to understand it, it just doesn’t seem to make much sense from a human standpoint. Getting something we don’t deserve or seeing someone else not getting something that we feel they deserve just doesn’t seem fair. In life, we get so wrapped up in making sure everything is fair. We spend so much time making sure that rules are fair, opportunities are fair, laws are fair, sports are fair, everything must be fair.

When we get wronged by someone, we feel that we somehow have the right to get even. We somehow believe the only thing that is fair is that in some way that person might get the same pain or be wronged in the same way we have been. Those feelings are very human, but are so far from what we are called to do and luckily so far away from what God does for us each and every day. We fall so short every day. We sin each and every day in ways we can’t even imagine. Luckily for us, God forgives us for every single one. We don’t deserve it. We don’t earn it. We just get it. It’s called Grace.

Forgiveness is free and undeserved. When we want to truly model forgiveness, we must fight our human urges. We must think of the free gift we get from God each day. We must realize how big of gift that we get every day and use that as motivation to share the gift with others. We must remember that we don’t get to carry around some “get even” card just because we were hurt by somehow. We need to simply realize how awesome God’s grace is and be willing to let go and share it with others.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

There will be trials….Rejoice.

Consider is pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. James 1:2

Why must we have trials in this world. Why must they be so painful. Why in the world would I rejoice in them. The above bible verse is one of those that upon first hearing it and in the midst of a serious trial, just doesn’t provide the comfort you are looking for. James, the brother of Jesus, wrote these words. Did he just not get it, did it never truly have a significant trial. How could he even think about telling us to consider it pure joy. Doesn’t he know, my world is crashing down around me. Certainly he didn’t mean I should consider it pure joy that my family has been torn apart and now feel completely broken.

I have studied the book of James multiple times, but it wasn’t until I heard a sermon series from Ben Stuart covering the book of James, that these words truly came to life, and truly made sense. It was after hearing his sermon on this bible verse, that I could start to understand and believe these words.

To summarize the message, we can easily just say that struggles will make us stronger, much like exercise helps the body. Unfortunately, often times that explanation alone isn’t enough to fully motivate us through a serious trial. I often found myself thinking, this trial isn’t making me better, it is making be bitter. It isn’t making me stronger, it is making be start to doubt God. Ben concludes that only through trials can we really gain wisdom. Through these trials, our wisdom can ultimately teach us three very important things.

· We should learn to not put our hopes and dreams in things that can fade.

· We should find that although pain is very real and hurts, it is temporary.

· It should turn our heads upward to put our hope and focus in God.

We rage against pain because there is a part of us that screams it should not be this way. It screams that is hasn’t always been this way and it shouldn’t be this way. That is correct. It hasn’t always been this way and won’t always be. God tells us that he didn’t build this world this way, He built it glorious, but it broke due to sin. But, by God’s mercy, he has created a time to come that will be perfect and without pain. Trials can help us to move our hope from things that fade into a focus and hope in Him as well as realizing that this pain is temporary and help prepare us for a Glorious and perfect eternity.

Ben delivers this message much better and should be enjoyed here. http://www.vimeo.com/7573862

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.

With apologies to the band Relient K for slightly leveraging their album title “Two Rights don’t make a left...but three do”, I can’t help but feel there is a bit of truth to the above statement.

We have learned as children and adults the statement “two wrongs don’t make a right”. It is true and gives us a good model. Just because we have done something wrong, or someone has done something wrong to us, we aren’t entitled to do something wrong to somehow fix it or make us feel better. We are called to always do the next right thing. I feel that may be oversimplifying the situation, but if we always approached every fork in the road with the attitude, what is the right thing to do, we could strive to always do the next right thing regardless of the past or regardless of what we did to get to this particular decision. We must guard against fooling ourselves into believing what we feel is right. We must test right from wrong against what we truly know is the absolute truth, what God has called us to do, what He has clearly spelled out as right and wrong. Often times, especially with situations of infidelity, I have heard the person who left say that they felt this was the right thing. They were so wrapped up in the feelings of the moment and in their personal desires, they missed out on the absolute truths of the situation. This is where the three lefts concept comes in. We all are sinners, we all fall short by a huge chasm of what God has called us to do and the plans he has for us. But thankfully, he has a plan for redemption and a plan to fully forgive us and make us whole. There is nothing we can do to earn this, but at times, we need to be aware of his gift.

God may have intended for us to make a right turn at a particular fork. That right turn may have been to remain faithful to our spouse. We may have clearly turned left. We may have run quickly down this path. God may have even urged us again down this path to make yet another right turn to try and get us back on the correct path, we may have again ignored his quiet calling and proceeded yet again down the left path. We may have run so hard and fast in the wrong direction that we feel like there is absolutely no path back to God or to the original plan God had. The beautiful thing is that there always is. He is always there, He is always pursuing us, He always desires us. Sometimes the solution may be so simple as making a third left turn to get us back heading the direction we were supposed to have gone in the first place. It may just be that simple. The road back to what he has in mind for us may be bumpy, it may be long, we may not clearly see at first how we get down the road, but the great news is that He will always be there with us and all it takes is that first step in the right direction after making that third left. So it that case, three lefts really can make a right (and make it right), so Rejoice.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:19

My hopes have been crushed….am I a two year old.

Over the holidays I was able to visit with my niece and nephew. My nephew is a wonderful 2 year old boy named Quenton. While reflecting today, I made a potential connection today between a seemingly hilarious event with him over the break and my own actions. During a meal, while the whole family was in the kitchen, Quenton got up and brought his cup to his parents asking for some juice. His parents felt that he had already had enough juice for the day and offered him some milk instead. He was absolutely devastated. He didn’t scream, yell, or throw a temper tantrum. He just proceeded to start the absolute best effort of pouting that I have ever seen. He slowly put his bottom lip out. He slowly bent his head down and then started to mope slowly out of the kitchen. He found a resting spot on a piece of luggage near the door. He proceeded to sit down and continue the outward actions of having his hopes crushed. From the outside watching, it was absolutely hilarious. We were holding back the smiles and chuckles. This was the best piece of acting I have seen since watching The Departed. Here was a young kid with his mind set on having a cup of juice. He was gently told no by his father. The son proceeded to act as though his whole world had come crushing down. Through the eyes of the two year old, it had. His sole focus, his greatest longing at this time, was for a cup of juice. His father had better plans for him. Knowing too much sugar wasn’t good for him, he tried to redirect him. From the outside looking in, it was obvious, and hard to understand the reaction of the two year old, but I am sure through his eyes, this was the only response that seemed appropriate.

Am I a two year old? Of course not, I am over 40, but how similar my actions must be at times. I have had my eyes set on one outcome throughout this whole separation and divorce. I have seen the outcome of reconciliation as the only possible outcome that I can live with. I have moped around. I have hung my head low. I have resented any other possible alternatives to what I truly want. Is it bad to want reconciliation. I certainly don’t think so. Would it honor God. Of course so. But, our Heavenly Father has such a larger view, such a larger perspective than we do. We are stuck looking through our two year old eyes. We are solely focused on our wants, our needs. When our wants and needs seem to be aligned with God’s will, that gives us even more ammunition to be stuck in our ways and our singular focus on what we want. If we could ever look away from that, if we could ever shift our gaze up toward our heavenly father, we might be able to move on, or at least accept our situation without experiencing the two year old’s meltdown. If we shifted our focus, our deep need, and our hearts desire to God the Father, God the Son, and the Holy Spirit, we would see someone who truly loves us and truly has a greater plan in place for us. He sees our lives beginning, middle, and end all at the same time. He knows how this ends, he is not worried. Do you truly doubt that he is not in control, that he doesn’t already have this completely worked out. As I remain stuck in this, as I remain focused on all that I have lost and all that is wrong with a broken marriage, it is very hard to shift my gaze.

Maybe I can use the visual reminder of a two year child with his bottom lip pushed out and head down to help me realize that perspective makes a huge difference. If I can imagine that this is in God’s hands and he isn’t worried, I could possibly shift my gaze away from the cup of juice I can’t have and be willing to accept any wonderful plans my Heavenly father has in place.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Introduction

I am a 40 year old father who recently went through a divorce. After 17 years of marriage, I was shocked to find myself in this situation. I never ever thought it could or would happen. Both myself and my ex-wife, were very involved in our church. From an outside view and from my perspective the marriage was strong and the family was in good shape. I was completely shocked and devastated to find that my wife had succumbed to the temptation of an affair. Even from the beginning I thought the marriage could and would be salvaged. Unfortunately, it was not. It has been a very difficult year and a half. Only through the strength of God have I endured so far. Even with Him, I feel at times very lost and very discouraged. Other times, I feel strong. My goal is to post a couple helpful words of encouragement each week that either have helped me in the past or touched me at that time.