My hopes have been crushed….am I a two year old.

Over the holidays I was able to visit with my niece and nephew. My nephew is a wonderful 2 year old boy named Quenton. While reflecting today, I made a potential connection today between a seemingly hilarious event with him over the break and my own actions. During a meal, while the whole family was in the kitchen, Quenton got up and brought his cup to his parents asking for some juice. His parents felt that he had already had enough juice for the day and offered him some milk instead. He was absolutely devastated. He didn’t scream, yell, or throw a temper tantrum. He just proceeded to start the absolute best effort of pouting that I have ever seen. He slowly put his bottom lip out. He slowly bent his head down and then started to mope slowly out of the kitchen. He found a resting spot on a piece of luggage near the door. He proceeded to sit down and continue the outward actions of having his hopes crushed. From the outside watching, it was absolutely hilarious. We were holding back the smiles and chuckles. This was the best piece of acting I have seen since watching The Departed. Here was a young kid with his mind set on having a cup of juice. He was gently told no by his father. The son proceeded to act as though his whole world had come crushing down. Through the eyes of the two year old, it had. His sole focus, his greatest longing at this time, was for a cup of juice. His father had better plans for him. Knowing too much sugar wasn’t good for him, he tried to redirect him. From the outside looking in, it was obvious, and hard to understand the reaction of the two year old, but I am sure through his eyes, this was the only response that seemed appropriate.

Am I a two year old? Of course not, I am over 40, but how similar my actions must be at times. I have had my eyes set on one outcome throughout this whole separation and divorce. I have seen the outcome of reconciliation as the only possible outcome that I can live with. I have moped around. I have hung my head low. I have resented any other possible alternatives to what I truly want. Is it bad to want reconciliation. I certainly don’t think so. Would it honor God. Of course so. But, our Heavenly Father has such a larger view, such a larger perspective than we do. We are stuck looking through our two year old eyes. We are solely focused on our wants, our needs. When our wants and needs seem to be aligned with God’s will, that gives us even more ammunition to be stuck in our ways and our singular focus on what we want. If we could ever look away from that, if we could ever shift our gaze up toward our heavenly father, we might be able to move on, or at least accept our situation without experiencing the two year old’s meltdown. If we shifted our focus, our deep need, and our hearts desire to God the Father, God the Son, and the Holy Spirit, we would see someone who truly loves us and truly has a greater plan in place for us. He sees our lives beginning, middle, and end all at the same time. He knows how this ends, he is not worried. Do you truly doubt that he is not in control, that he doesn’t already have this completely worked out. As I remain stuck in this, as I remain focused on all that I have lost and all that is wrong with a broken marriage, it is very hard to shift my gaze.

Maybe I can use the visual reminder of a two year child with his bottom lip pushed out and head down to help me realize that perspective makes a huge difference. If I can imagine that this is in God’s hands and he isn’t worried, I could possibly shift my gaze away from the cup of juice I can’t have and be willing to accept any wonderful plans my Heavenly father has in place.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11